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If you’ve ever read this blog or visited the About Us page, you probably know that Twin Miracles Editorial is so-named because of my lovely twin daughters, who are currently 3 years old. About a year after they were born, I decided to become a stay-at-home, full-time freelancing dad, to spend more time with them – time I was missing while working a corporate job and spending roughly 2-1/2 hours each on my commute.

For the most part, it’s been a wonderful, enlightening experience. But some things stand out as asking the question, “Why did I do this again?”

The last few days have been one such experience. Mrs. Twin Miracles Editorial is left out of town Wednesday afternoon for a professional conference and isn’t due back until Saturday afternoon, leaving your faithful Freelancing Dad largely in charge of said Miracles.

Here’s a look at some of the “highlights” of the past few days.

Wednesday

3:30 p.m. –  We drop Mrs. Twin Miracles Editorial off at her designated car pool rendezvous. About 90 seconds later, Twin A realizes she is not accompanying Mommy on said trip and starts crying.

5:00 p.m. – Twin A has been suffering from Poop on the Potty Fear and is holding one in. Freelancing Dad is moments away from a glycerine suppository when he goes to check on something in the office. He comes back to Twin A crying and a certain odor in the air. Well, at least I didn’t have to use the suppository.

Wednesday, 6:00 p.m. – Twin A confirms she did not take a nap at school by turning up her delirium to Warp Factor 8. This situation is not helped by the fact that we have a guy supposedly coming by the house at 6 p.m. to take care of a repair.

6:45 p.m. – The guy comes by at long last. Says it won’t take long. It does.

7:35 p.m. – The Twin Miracles are put to bed, despite the guy still being over.

9:00 p.m. – 12:30 a.m. – Freelancing Dad works at what economists call a rate of diminishing returns.

Thursday

7:30 p.m. – As we go to bed, Twin B mentions her tummy hurts. No big deal, she says it a lot.

12:15 a.m. – Freelancing Dad goes to bed after 4 hours of work and watching the Houston Rockets honor their 1994-1995 championship teams.

1:45 a.m. – Freelancing Dad is awoken by Twin B’s sobs of horror. He rushes to her room to find her tummy more than hurt, her tummy rejected everything she had eaten. All over her, all over her Frozen sheet, blanket, and pillow.

1:50 a.m. – 3:15 a.m. – Twin B is washed off and redressed, but can’t hold down anything, including water. She vomits at least 4 more times. Twin A wakes up, sees everyone up, and is ecstatic that play time has returned. She won’t go back to bed for a million Hello Kitty stickers at this point. Freelancing Dad puts both girls on Mommy’s bed to try and get them to sleep while the sheets and pillows and blankets are washed. Freelancing Dad sings “The Rainbow Connection” and Twin B dozes off while Twin A rolls around and turns the bed into her own personal bounce house.

3:30 a.m. – The Twin Miracles are back to sleep.

3:30 a.m. – 4:15 a.m. – Freelancing Dad stays up fretting about Twin B.

4:15 a.m. – 6:30 a.m.- Freelancing Dad gets the second and third hours of this three-hours of sleep.

Friday

9:50 a.m.- Time of Twin B’s doctor’s appointment.

10:43 a.m. – Time we actually saw the doctor.

10:45 a.m. – Time we left the doctor’s office after being told it was a stomach flu.

11:10 a.m. – Freelancing Dad’s first coffee product of the day.

12:15 p.m. – Freelancing Dad’s second coffee product of the day.

3:27 p.m. – Freelancing Dad’s third coffee product of the day.

7:35 p.m. – Moments after being put to sleep, Twin A roars “I WANT DADDY!” again and again until I go to check on her. “What’s wrong, Twin A?” I ask. “I’m fine,” she tells me.

8:12 p.m.- Twin A continues to sing song herself to sleep as Freelancing Dad vents in his WordPress blog read by (if he’s lucky) 8 people.

8:30 – ?? – Freelancing Dad’s 4th, 5th, 6th and possibly 7th coffee products of the day